More Totally Random Love Hina Skits!
by Andrew Joshua Talon
Summary: This is either a desperate attempt to break my writer's block, or further proof of my descent into insanity. Oh well! Plenty of chaos, yuri implications, suggestive dialogue and weirdness to make you ask,"... What the heck is Talon on?" R&R, please!


***More Totally Random Love Hina Skits!***

AJ Talon

DISCLAIMER: Myu myu myuh, myu. So there.

Yes, I am STILL afflicted with writer's block! More pointlessness to try and fight it with (sigh)...

*************

Dr. Seta Norisata was at the police impound yard, wringing his hands as he talked with the supervisor.

"What do you mean I can't have my van back?! I LIVE in that van!" The supervisor rolls his eyes.

"Sir, I have been given a list of accidents your (ahem) van has been involved in." With this, he hands the report to Seta, who skims it.

"Ten car pile up at Kuryshu and 10th on 3/5/02... Demolishing of the White Day Parade on 6/20/02... Destruction of the Tokyo University clock tower?!"

"The new building's still got those dents..." Seta slams the paper down angrily.

"I tell you those were all unintentional!"

"Sorry sir. The order stands." He slaps a badge onto Seta's well worn lab coat.

"What's this?"

"It's a restraining order. You are not to come within two meters of any motor vehicle's controls. Have a nice day!" Seta grimaced.

"NOW where will Sarah and I live?" At this moment, Keitaro Urashima was walking down the street, lugging along the groceries. Upon hearing his mentor's lament, he smiles at Seta.

"Hey, Mister Seta! You could always stay at the Hinata Sou, you know!" Seta grins, taking a drag off his cigarette.

"I'd be delighted!" Keitaro grinned almost feverishly.

(YES! At last, I won't have to be target practice all the time! Oh yeah, I go! I go!) Keitaro does a number of quite impressive gymnastics maneuvers, without spilling a single item, all the while Seta watches in bemusement.

"Now I wonder why he doesn't do any of that when the girls are around?" 1

*************

Kaolla Suu is busily mixing numerous unstable chemicals in a large vat, cackling evilly. 

"Bubble bubble, simmer and trouble! Burst your bath right on the double!" She chants, casting various items into the concoction. 

"One pinch of magic powder, another sack of salmon chowder! Mix it with some chocolate beets, and finally some fresh-cut leeks!"

Motoko Aoyama chooses this moment to walk right in. She stares at the cauldron for approximately five seconds, then turns tail.

"WAAAHHHHH!!!" Only turtles and one of Suu's unstable schemes strikes fear into the heart of this modern day samurai. Suu blinks, confused.

"Hm? Oh well, more for me!" Suu proceeds to dips a hand into the mixture, and lifts a gooey string of taffy to her lips, which she greedily devours.

"Mmmm! Good good good! Better than Gummi Bears!" 2

***********

Mutsumi Otohime had finished watching the Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition for the third time today, and was grinning quite happily.

"Star Wars is better than watermelons!" She cheerfully squealed, rummaging about in her video collection for Episode I or II. She then recalls that she hasn't bought them yet, and pouts quite cutely in the center of the floor.

"Drat! Hm... What can I do to tide myself over before I have enough money to buy the DVDs?" The turtle lady queried. She then snapped her fingers.

"I know!"

A FEW WEEKS LATER...

It's the Hinata Tea House Player's Theater, and a large crowd is gathered around the stage cheering happily. For, none other than Keitaro Urashima and Seta Norisato are dueling with lightsaber in the guises of Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, respectively.

"Obi Wan has taught you well. You have controlled your fear," stated Seta in his best asthmatic-gravelly voice," Now-Release your anger! Only your hatred can destroy me!" Off-stage, Haruka whistles, impressed.

"Suu these are great special effects! Those lightsaber look almost real!" The blue and red blades Haruka was referring to crashed together with most satisfying cracks. Suu grinned happily.

"Thank you! But Suu wants to know..."

"Yes?"

"What are special effects? Can you eat them?" This is answered by a short VMMP! as all eyes turn to the stage. Keitaro stood mortified, the point of his lightsaber humming directly at the bottom of a surprised Naru Narusegawa's C-3P0 costume. Said costume was now sliced down in front, unveiling Naru's... Chest.

An ominous silence follows.

"YOU PERVERT!" Naru grabs a spare lightsaber from off stage, rips off her helmet, and while holding her costume closed chases poor "Luke" around the stage. She slashes repeatedly at our near-sighted hero who demonstrates Jedi agility despite his fear.

"WAAHH!!! SORRY NARU, SORRY!" 

"STOP!" Mutsumi Otohime cuts her way dramatically through the curtain, dressed as a Jedi Knight. She smirks evilly with her amber bladed lightsaber humming merrily away.

"You, Narusegawa, seek to harm Kei-kun! Therefore you, Narusegawa, you are my enemy! Have at thee, Darksider!" And with that, normally quiet, shy, distracted Mutsumi unleashes a ferocious assault upon the shocked Naru.

"WAH! Mutsumi-chan- ACK! Calm down, what's -EEK!- gotten into you -AIEEE!" Everyone watches spellbound as Mutsumi does flips, casts objects at Naru with the "Force", and all around has a grand time, though the look on her face is quite frightening. Keitaro is decidedly shocked.

"Um, how can she be doing that?" Kitsune whistles innocently as she pushes a box engraved "ZERO System Headband: Strike Fear Into Your Enemies with this Fashionable Instrument of Doom!" 3

*******************

Shinobu is doing the dishes when a small butterfly wanders in through the window. She smiles happily as the beautiful (but horribly stupid) insect drifts in the air.

"Hello, Mrs. Butterfly!" An almost-sickeningly cute mouse creeps into the kitchen. Shinobu smiles at him too.

"Hello, Mister Rat!" All at once, more horribly adorable creatures flock into the kitchen, and Shinobu pets and feeds them, Snow White style, as she prepares to launch into song.

"STOP! STOP! STOP!" Haruka rushes in with a broom, casting the animals back into the wild. Shinobu stares at Haruka, shocked.

"Why'd you THAT, Haruka-sama?" Haruka snorted as she tapped the broom closet door with the broom handle. Out tumbles an old man, grumbling.

"Out you go, Walt! Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can twist around any scene you damn well please!"

"You'll see, Urashima," Walt cackled evilly," I'll have my revenge on the current CEO of my company and then I'll have all the power I need!" He grinned at Shinobu.

"I'll get you my pretty, and your little turtle too! BWAHAHAHAHA-WAUGH!" Keitaro surprises everyone by appearing fast as lightening, taking Haruka's broom, and calmly "sweeping" Walt Disney out the window and into the conveniently placed Women's Bath.

"AIIEEEEE!!! PERVERT!"

POW!

"WWAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!" Shinobu cried happily, throwing her arms around Keitaro.

"Sempai, you saved me again! But, why and how did you do that?" 

"I was forever scarred by my parent's putting me into the school play version of "Bambi". Maybe I have some unresolved anger issues?" 4

*************

Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno was lounging on the couch when the entire tenant population of the Hinata Sou stomped up and surrounded her. She opened one lazy eye.

"Can I help you?" Motoko thrust a note into Kitsune's face. The foxy lady read it over, arching an eyebrow.

"200,000 yen? What's this about?"

"It's the culminated funds you've "borrowed" over the years from us. Time to pay up," Kanako stated coldly as everyone thrust out their hands. Kitsune held up her hands appealingly.

"Hold on, hold on!" Kitsune took the sheet, studied it carefully, then smiled.

"Aha! I see a flaw in your calculations!" 

"WHAT?!" Everyone clustered around, and focused on the number Kitsune was pointing to.

"Yes. You see, you forgot to carry the three here. Let's see, subtract the dividends, take into account market fluctuations..." Kitsune grinned.

"I only owe you guys 20 yen!" Everyone looked over the paper. Naru and Suu frantically redid the calculations, while Keitaro punched in the figures into a calculator. All three looked up, shocked.

"She's right!" Everyone groaned as Kitsune smiled smugly, handing a few coins to a sorrowful Keitaro. They all dejectedly wandered upstairs. 

Kitsune checked to make sure no one was around, then pulled a mini-white-out brush and mini-pencil from underneath her fingernails. She smirked.

"Suckers." 5

***********

Kanako Urashima was rummaging about in her drawers for something she'd lost. Naru happened to be passing by, and peeked in.

"What are you looking for, Urashima?" Kanako shrugged, sighing helplessly.

"I can't find my childhood picture of Onee-chan," she sighed. Naru, feeling a bit sympathetic, walked in and smiled at her nemesis.

"How about I help you?" Kanako looked up, smiling in a sultry sort of way.

"I think you can do more than that," she purred as Motoko appeared from the shadows, shutting and locking the door behind the shocked Narusegawa.

"Wha-what's going on, Motoko-chan?" Kanako wrapped her arms around the older woman, while Motoko smirked as she approached the now-terrified Narusegawa.

"Motoko-chan and I decided to bring a third person into our... Activities. We decided to try you out first."

"WHAT?! HELP, SOMEBODY! ANYBODY!"

"Oh, hush. If you don't satisfy us, we can just get Urashima."

"WHAT?! HE'S WITH MUTSUMI-CHAN!!!"

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind."

"WWWAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!" 6

****************

Naru Narusegawa was out for a walk in Hinata when she happened across a rusty old sword stuck in a pile of garbage. Curious, she picked it up and studied it.

"Hm... I wonder if Motoko-chan can fix this up," she mused as she decided to head back for her home.

Keitaro Urashima, too, was walking down the street with Mutsumi Otohime. Keitaro, being so clumsy, tripped and fell into our lovely young Okinawan.

"OOF! Sorry, Mutsumi-chan!"

"(giggle) It's alright, Kei-kun!" Naru saw these proceedings, and being the unstable thermonuclear weapon of a woman she is, rushed at Keitaro.

"DIE PERVERT!" She screamed as her sword became the mighty Tetsusaiga!

BOOM! The ki blade sent the hapless ronin to the moon, while Naru stared at her sword with awe.

"Wow," she murmured," it's so cool." An evil smile found it's way to her face, as she set about razing the village.

"WOO HOO! I HAVE THE POWER! THE POWER TO CHHHAAANGGGE THE WORLD! BANZAI!"

Mutsumi watched the carnage unfold with a hefty sweatdrop.

"Oh... Oh my..." 7

**************

Seta felt himself be thrown out of REM sleep. He felt himself fall out of a warm, comfortable bed and land onto a hard, cold wood floor.

"OUCH! Damnit," he muttered angrily. He reached above him to a nightstand he barely made out in the darkness of the room, and succeeded in knocking an alarm clock to the floor with a plastic CRUNCH!

"Terrific," he muttered.

"Seta-kun? Did you hit your head?" Seta blinked, and struggled to look up to the bed. Shinobu Maehara sat up in bed, a worried expression on her face. Seta's mind slowly put together the pieces.

Shinobu in the same bed with him... Her stomach rather large... 

"Oh... No..."

"Um, something wrong, Seta? Oh, could you hand me my morning sickness pills while you're up? Sort of?"

THUD!

Shinobu stared at Seta for a bit, then grinned evilly as she jumped out of bed, tossing a pillow out from under her pajamas.

"Kitsune was right! This is fun!" 8

*************

Motoko was meditating in silence within Kanako and her room when she heard an odd sound. She sighed, then stood up. She headed to the bathroom, opened the door, and tapped her foot.

"Kuro, I told you once: No more trying to flush my Ruby the Hedgehog plushy!" Kuro groaned as he hefted the soggy familiar of Saint Tail out of the commode.

"Man! I was SO close, too!" Motoko took the poor plushy, pulled out a blow dryer and started warming him up. She then gave the black cat a dirty look before walking out to get some towels.

"AND NO USING THE CIGARETTE LIGHTER TO INCINERATE HIM EITHER!"

Kuro sulked, his paw over the said device Kanako used for some of her disguises.

"Ah, man..." Motoko went back in, wielding her bokken.

"Keep THIS in mind," she growled. Kuro smirked.

"Cut it, or I expose your plushy fetish for all to see," he purred, lifting a Luna plushy by it's tail and swinging for the window.

""HIKEN ZANKUSEN!" This mild blast knocked Kuro cold, while Motoko cradled her precious plushy.

"Whew! You're safe now, my precioussss..." 9

************

R&R, please! I'm thinking of making this into a regular series, so leave ideas in the reveiw box, damnit!

NOTES (Dontcha just LOVE these?):

1: Seta's bad driving precipitated this, of course ^_^

2: The Disney Show "Gummi Bears" had a funny taffy episode. This bit was inspired by it.

3: Yes, a Star Wars/Gundam Wing reference. Still, Mutsumi as a Jedi is an AWESOME idea! And it's mine, damnit! ALL MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! .... Erm, sorry. "ZERO System in a Box: The Perfect Gift," indeed...

4: I played Captain Hook in "Peter Pan" a play at my preschool. It was terrifying. Don't get me wrong: I like a lot of Disney movies, but it's my opinion that they've only gotten good since "Mulan", with the lack of the helpless Barbie-like princesses.

Go Mulan, you kick ass!

5: Heh, Kitsune proves her ultimate slyness with THIS one, heh.

6: (blush) OKAY, I ADMIT IT! I'M A HENTAI! Still, this is a rather intriguing idea, especially for a guy who honestly wonders about polygamous relationships (But Tori, don't be angry! I only WONDER about them, alright? Really!)

7: Heh, poking a little fun at "Inu Yasha" with this one. Why I included Keitaro getting blasted to the Moon? I guess old habits die hard...

8: This would make ME faint, I can tell you (don't get any ideas, Tori-chan).

9: Motoko's inner child needs Prozac. And of course, a mild "Lord of the Rings" reference, but a new movie's coming out, so bite me.

And there we go! Beware of flying turtles on your way out...


End file.
